How To Brainwash Your Children

Parents hoping to raise, educate and manage confused, atomised and emotional automatons seem to face a daunting task - but this is a complete illusion. Effectively brainwashing the world requires hardly any conscious effort at all. In fact raising your awareness of what you’re doing will actually hamper your work. We therefore recommend you don’t pay much attention what follows.

Creating Addition to Self
  
The newborn child lives in paradise. As it lies gurgling with pleasure in its cot, pawing the air with gentle intent, it feels perfect blended intimacy with a hyper-vivid, miraculously timeless reality. With no separate self-identity to intervene between the child and the moment, she is sensitive to the most delicate nuance of atmosphere, to every twitch and pulse of feeling that passes through the house. She trembles in sympathy with the tiniest shivers of mood, she is feelingly absorbed in the unique tone of the day and the unique quality of her strange friends - things - walls, tables, toys - all of whom are alive and whispering. Needless to say, such a mode of experience is an acute threat to the world and must be stamped out.
  
Children who are allowed to grow up in continual contact with inner ease, able to discern the pre-verbal colour and tone of what is occurring, grow into adults who do not need external stimulus to feel content or to bolster their sense of self-worth. They are poor consumers, poor workers and uniquely disturbed by mediated environments and profit-motivated activity. They are, in short, a threat.
  
To neutralise the threat you must cut your child off from its own felt reality. This you do by forcing her wide sensory attention out of the present moment, where pleasure is free, and narrowing her focus onto pain and pleasure. This will get the child used to a reality of costs and benefits, the very essence of all the effort, desire, frustration and fear that makes the world go round. We’ll look at all that later; for now note that the primary shift away from miraculous absorption does not primarily occur through verbal or physical stimulus, but vibically, on the deepest level of feeling. There is no doubt that you can do excellent brainwashing on your child through linguistic or physical deprivation, indeed you can even kill it by not touching it, but the most important task you can possibly undertake occurs in the wafts of atmosphere and the waves of vibe.
  
You may not be particularly aware of this subtly intuited realm, but, rest assured, your baby is acutely sensitive to what is really happening in the house, even in utero. What you dimly experience as mere trivial annoyances and moodies, for example, or as harmless dullness of spirit, your child will register as knives of violence and an horrorful separation. The stress of this dread suffering will result in the child using its growing sense of self not merely as a tool for thinking and playing, but as a defensive weapon, a screen against the waves of pain that periodically wash through the house. This pre-verbal self-screen will cut the child off from the universe, from its parents, and from the real atmospheres into which it once so happily melted, making the child anxious, sly, demanding, dull, isolated and addicted to fantasy - before it even utters a word.
  
After forcing the child into a primal state of confusion by applying your usual moods to the atmosphere of the house, you should go about pumping up your child’s addiction to self as much as possible. This is done by inflating the child’s fears and cravings - also known as its “likes” and “dislikes.” These likes and dislikes are not mere preferences - the usual configuration of inclination and taste that makes one child different from another - but strong unconscious aversions and addictions; narrow, concentrated, mental-emotional impulses that take the child out of its rich sensitivity of the present moment.
  
Opportunities for inflating likes and dislikes are, as your child grows, manifold. You should be on particular alert for moments when the child first enters a new sphere of experience; each of which is a potential crises that you can exploit. We have already discussed the primal crisis - birth itself - but there are many smaller “births,” or “stages of development,” as the child grows up (see crisis/result diagram). By correctly applying the right kind of violence, pressure, disinterest or fear you can superbly warp your child, forcing it into a cycle of repeated psychological crises that will play out for the rest of its adult life.
  
This is best done by making your affectionate attention conditional. When your child conforms to your expectations or acts in a way you approve of, reward it, when it does something you don’t like, punish it; again not physically or verbally (although that will certainly help), but vibically, through feelings, tone of voice and imperceptible micro-expressions, none of which you will be aware of, but all of which will distort your child’s free perception of crises and warp it towards a conditioned, restricted and inappropriate response.
  
The Mediated Environment
  
Once you have grasped the principles of self-inflation and self-addiction, you’ll find they are easily applied to parenthood. However - the job does not end there. The one threat to self addiction is non-self, and the problem with non-self is that it is literally everywhere; mystery, authenticity, inspiration, initiative and common-sense can rear up at any time. It therefore behooves you, as responsible parents, to design - or mediate - your child’s environment for its own greater good.
  
Mediation means coming between the child and its own direct experience of its own life. A good way to start, as soon as your baby is born, is to talk to it like a baby. All the time. Don’t talk softly and happily to your child as if he or she could understand you – it must be a condescending performance. This isn’t pure and natural pre-verbal sound-speech, nor occasional prattish ape-face, nor the soft natural ahhs and wows provoked by baby-flesh; instead a constant discharge of whiney dribbly voice-goo, and insincerely excited exaggerated gestures. This gets the baby used to, from moment one, the idea that reality isn’t real. It’s a kind of show. This is an ongoing project, and it won’t be easy because children will initially see through it. But eventually you will be able to convince them that the performance of a feeling is more real than the feeling itself.
  
The next thing to do is make sure your infant’s awareness is always full of noises, gestures, sounds, colours and other external stimuli. There are plenty of excellent baby-brainwashing devices on sale now with flashing lights and spinning disks and the like. Of course it’s natural to entertain your baby with fantastic sensory effects; but the aim here is to do it constantly. Repetitive digital sound-effects work well, as do light emitting diodes and bright plastic paint. If they are not around, then chatter, yelps, and faces will do. You might like to consider putting your young kid in a carrier or pushchair that faces out into the streets and then walking through a crowded industrial centre or shopping mall. The point of all this is to persuade the infant that the external world is more alluring than the inner world. Guard against allowing the child to enjoy just sitting there gurgling and muttering with pleasure at nothing more than being in its own body.
  
As early as possible get your kids watching television and playing computer games. Loud rapidly changing CGI scenes of sanitised fantasy smattered with a patina of formal morality work best. The fundamental message of boys stories and games should be acquire, get, amass and expand. The fundamental message of girls stories and games should be accept, agree, conform and follow. But don’t worry about these messages, it’s fine to have boys worrying about not being accepted and for girls to be anxious because their score is low. The purpose here is to instil worry and anxiety through speeding up the psyche and beaming a stream of things to ardently want through it. The implicit idea that dreams only come true on the video screen won’t do you any harm either.
  
Next; morality. The key here is to have the greatest disparity possible between what you say and what you do, by constantly going on about what is right and wrong without taking action. If your kid won’t eat the meal you cooked for her, don’t let her go hungry; tell her she’s being silly, and then let her eat what she wants. The child’s sense of right and wrong will come from your actions, your psychic state and your facial expressions. Your restless insensitivity, your mood swings, your frustrations and your unconscious fears and worries will effectively programme your child’s response to phenomena. The important thing for you to do is to cover all this up with a series of rules, aims, descriptions, explanations and other fantasies. Religion works very well here, if you have one, but don’t worry if not, atheism is fine. As mentioned above, all this might be hard at first. Some children seem quite unable to see that long discourses about what is right and wrong are boring and have nothing to do with reality, but they’ll learn, just as soon as they get enough rewards for doing the “right” thing.
  
To sum up. If you want to effectively brainwash your child, it must be fed on anti-food and play passive games. It must live with people whose emotions and feelings are self-generated and whose ideas about reality are second-hand. It must be instilled with a series of rules, regulations, facts and ideas that don’t really connect up and that have nothing to do with the child’s actual experience. It must learn to live its life in a cycle of anxiety, excitement, acquisition, boredom and depression. It must be bribed with stimulants and threats, and deceived with performance and ideology. It must be tacitly programmed to follow someone else’s script, never to discover the simple mystery of who or what he or she really is; and has always been.
  
And the dark beauty of it, is that to turn your child into a blind mental-emotional automaton, all you really have to do... is not know what you’re doing.
  
In other words; be yourself!

This is an early draft of a much finer enterprise, coming soon.