From the Gentle Apocalypse Emporium

Do you suffer from arhythmia, spaz-realease-anxiety or creaky psyche-lag in the arms of a dance partner? In dance do you perform simple, mechanical, jerklettes, large, predictable or out-of-time grandstanders, refuse in your headstrong flesh to follow or lead with technical brilliance but subtle flairless grip? Or perhaps you love to dance but are tied to someone who does not and are tired of playing table-tennis in a deep-sea diving suit or hauling a corpse stapled to a mattress up the spiral stair-case of your enthusiasms? If so, why not try Dr Pong’s Yawp Serum; an intramuscular boogie-juice arse injection of concentrated hooplas, crunching squat-glides, electro-stills, mobile rolls, michegan-synchros, high-park-gaylords, wet-fleckerals, rubber-ochos, highland body-melts, net-casters, chick-spacks, wang-scythes, bubble-rubs and glorious bronto-yawps. Just one monstrous pump and a whole new landscape of vibe-delight is yours.