Gentleman's News Service

Are you a gentleman news lover? Do you enjoy reading about sex, war, murders, markets and sporting events? Is your conversation dominated by what you read in the newspaper? Do you feel frustrated or lost if you have to go without the news? Do you enjoy working yourself up into a righteous lather over injustice and crime? Do you pour over every grim and salacious detail in the news and relate it to your friends and colleagues with morbid excitement?

If so, sir, you need: Übernews! We are proud to present the news service for the gentleman - of the left or right - who absolutely cannot get enough news. For a regular subscription fee we will actually take you to where the news is happening. We will pilot you over war-torn battlefields in our indestructible glass übernews flight-ball, we will show you around tsunami-smashed villages and we will give you direct access to domestic violence and depravity. We will even discretely usher you through the hotel rooms of rockstars and politicians as they smite their sexual wroth upon call girls. The world, in all its sickness and horror, will be before you direct. No more pouring over the pages of hour or day old newspapers, no more catching up on news blogs and discussion forums. You will be able to tell your friend you were actually there!

Bask in the kudos of authenticity with...

ÜBERNEWS

Appreciated by Every Sensible Man