The invisible juice that flows through your bones when you find yourself laughing for no reason at all, escapes through your fingertips as a kind of gas, and can be passed on to your friend by pressing your thumbs against her forehead and humming the theme song to Hawaii-Five-O.

If you ever find yourself shivering with a strange delight don't be surprised if hundreds of laughing Japanese schoolgirls cycle past you, or something like that.

The clenchy feeling of causeless anxiety that you sometimes feel laying across your chest like a sleeping cobra, or creeping up your neck like a rattlesnake, is, in fact, a snake. Its a multidimensional space-wurm that's using your body as a gateway from one reality to another. Worrying, blaming things, eating and resisting it only make it angry. Just let it pass through.

(By the way, sometimes the snake whispers advice - follow this advice immediately and without question).

If you ever invent a computer programme that broadcasts radio waves to all the electric wheelchairs in the world, taking them over and transporting their users to a huge stadium to hold them all ransom, make sure you chose a stadium with wheelchair access, or they'll all be waiting outside and it will just be untidy.

A rapid sideways motion, knees and ankles alternately twisting, shoulders, elbows and wrists rising and falling in a concatenated ripple, eyebrows raised suggestively, is the best way to approach most problems.