Wrapping Presents
Int. Bedsit - Night. Bill and Bruce chatting.
Bruce: Nice wrapping paper Darren's got.
Bill: My brother's got a thing about wrapping. He, well, he finds everything gay. So, he finds buying presents for people around Christmas time, he finds that gay. He said 'because the people in the shop will know that there are people in my life that I care about', which he finds gay. (Pause). Wrapping the presents he has to do with a beer.
Bruce: He's got some good solutions anyway.
Bill: A weird one is sticking out your hand to stop a bus.
Bruce: That is gay.
Bill: He finds that gay.
Bruce: Well he's right.
Bill: (Pause) He is right about that actually. I wonder what Darren thinks about that (calling out) Darren old boy.
(Darren enters)
Bill: Is sticking your hand out to stop a bus gay?
Darren: Er, yeah.
(Darren leaves)
Bill: (Pause) When I was very poor I once bought a present for the whole family. It was a one ninety nine vase from Woolworths. I thought 'its the only way I can solve this', so I presented it to the whole family; six children and my mother and father. Eight people. Share that vase.
(Darren enters with teas, chink of mugs being placed on table)
Darren: There's a very simple test to work out if anything is gay, and that is 'would Clint do it?'
Bill: Oh yeah.
Bruce: Yes.
Bill: Yes, of course.
Darren: Its gay to hurry across the road for example. Clint would never run across the road if he thought he was going to be hit by a car. The car would slow down for Clint. (Pause) In fact Clint would slow down.
Bill: He wouldn't wrap a present would he?
Darren: No. (Pause) What would he do with it? Just scrunch it up in a bag?
Bill: Give it in a bag. He'd present it in a gentlemanly way, but he wouldn't wrap it up.
Darren: I feel a bit ashamed of my wrapping paper now.
Bruce: That's how this started.
Darren: Really? It's quite nice wrapping paper though. Nice colours, look.
Bill: I imagine though you're quite good at wrapping.
Darren: Er, yep. Unless its a ball of course. I don't know who's good at wrapping a ball.
Bruce: The fact that you've even classified that shows...
Bill: ...more than a passing knowledge. You're no Clint.
Darren: Clint could probably wrap a ball perfectly though. That's the one thing he can wrap.
Bruce: Nice wrapping paper Darren's got.
Bill: My brother's got a thing about wrapping. He, well, he finds everything gay. So, he finds buying presents for people around Christmas time, he finds that gay. He said 'because the people in the shop will know that there are people in my life that I care about', which he finds gay. (Pause). Wrapping the presents he has to do with a beer.
Bruce: He's got some good solutions anyway.
Bill: A weird one is sticking out your hand to stop a bus.
Bruce: That is gay.
Bill: He finds that gay.
Bruce: Well he's right.
Bill: (Pause) He is right about that actually. I wonder what Darren thinks about that (calling out) Darren old boy.
(Darren enters)
Bill: Is sticking your hand out to stop a bus gay?
Darren: Er, yeah.
(Darren leaves)
Bill: (Pause) When I was very poor I once bought a present for the whole family. It was a one ninety nine vase from Woolworths. I thought 'its the only way I can solve this', so I presented it to the whole family; six children and my mother and father. Eight people. Share that vase.
(Darren enters with teas, chink of mugs being placed on table)
Darren: There's a very simple test to work out if anything is gay, and that is 'would Clint do it?'
Bill: Oh yeah.
Bruce: Yes.
Bill: Yes, of course.
Darren: Its gay to hurry across the road for example. Clint would never run across the road if he thought he was going to be hit by a car. The car would slow down for Clint. (Pause) In fact Clint would slow down.
Bill: He wouldn't wrap a present would he?
Darren: No. (Pause) What would he do with it? Just scrunch it up in a bag?
Bill: Give it in a bag. He'd present it in a gentlemanly way, but he wouldn't wrap it up.
Darren: I feel a bit ashamed of my wrapping paper now.
Bruce: That's how this started.
Darren: Really? It's quite nice wrapping paper though. Nice colours, look.
Bill: I imagine though you're quite good at wrapping.
Darren: Er, yep. Unless its a ball of course. I don't know who's good at wrapping a ball.
Bruce: The fact that you've even classified that shows...
Bill: ...more than a passing knowledge. You're no Clint.
Darren: Clint could probably wrap a ball perfectly though. That's the one thing he can wrap.
